I’m feeling for my boy at the moment. He is so very anxious and tense and scared.
He is preparing to transition to his local mainstream school next year (check out Part 1 and Part 2 of my series on The Road to Mainstream) and it is really, really worrying him right now.
His first official transition visit is set for this week and, to be honest, we are all a little tense as we wait and see how it will go.
In the meantime we are doing all we can to help ease his fears. We have canned after-school activities so he has a little less to worry about each day. We are reassuring him that he is ready for the move and that we will be with him along the way.
We are giving him all the sensory assistance we possibly can so he can process his feelings and reactions a little better.
But seeing his inability to cope with a simple change in routine, something that would not have caused so much trouble a few months back, is hard. We spent all Thursday afternoon and evening reassuring him that he would enjoy the rescheduled outing he was going on the next day, something he would normally be so excited about. Instead, “But we normally stay in the classroom on a Friday, Mum” was his reply…sigh…inescapable logic…
Dealing with his increasingly regular outbursts have also been exhausting. He continually tells us that he hates his eldest sister, keeps calling us and his teachers charming things like “dumb dog” and “drooling doofus” and complains incessantly about absolutely everything. Staying positive and strong in the face of relentless negativity and complaint can be a hard task at times!
The meltdowns have also been difficult to manage. Last week he had a mega meltdown in our local video shop as they didn’t have the exact Scooby Doo movie he was looking for. We had kicking, screaming, running all over the shop, swearing – basically he threw everything at me.
Over the weekend, he had endless trouble accepting that he would not be receiving any presents like his sister as it was not his birthday. He kept repeating over and over that he was jealous and couldn’t move past it, however hard we tried redirecting him, talking him through it and giving him deep pressure to calm.
As much as I rationalise his behaviour and instinctively know it cannot be helped, my heart still hurts for him. I want to help him, to ease his fears, but there is only so much I can do for him right now.
I know things will eventually work out. I know with a little bit of time he will get used to the change of school and things will go back to normal (our normal anyway…).
But, right now, at this moment, our normal seems so very far away and a little part of me wishes we didn’t have to make him do this, that maybe it would be better for him to stay where he is.
I’m trying not to listen to that voice – I know deep down this is the right thing to do and we need to ride this out.
But why is the right thing invariably not the easy thing?
I’ll keep you posted on our progress…
All the very best with this. It’s a big move hey! He’ll get there though ( and so will mummy). Caz
Thanks Caz – the first visit ended up going pretty well, hoping the next one goes well too (and yes, mummy is now breathing a little easier too)!
Hi there Kirsty!
Please know that you are doing all that is right for your son.
It’s great to hear of the support roles he is getting too.
I was a primary school principal if you ever want to vent or whinge.
Wishing you and your some the very best life!
Denyse
Thanks Denyse! I just read (and commented!) on your post about teacher’s end of year gifts. It’s great to receive encouragement about the road we are taking – sometimes the doubts and the fears seem so huge! But I know in my heart we are doing the right thing, I just have to keep reminding myself of that when the tough moments inevitably come our way…thanks for your support, it is so very much appreciated!
Big hugs Kirsty. It is so challenging some days.
We were lucky that Heidi transitioned to the mainstream school her sister had been going to for 2 years already and was going into the classroom her sister was in that year, with the same teacher. Made it easier.
Even then I was making recordings of the bell ringing and sounds of the classroom to help her as well as taking pictures of everything from playground to toilets to put in her transition picture book.
Thanks Marita. It’s stressful enough for me, I can only imagine how stressful it is for my boy! The school have been great but they can’t confirm his teacher for next year yet although they do know the classroom he will be going into and some of the kids he will be with. Once we know all of that (hopefully in next few weeks) we will be able to put together a book for him to look at over the holidays – we’ll need to have something for him to refer to over all those long weeks!