Dear Enemy,
There is a part of me who doesn’t want to acknowledge your existence at all. Who wants to deny that we are enemies. Because we shouldn’t be, you and I.
We should be friends.
To be honest, I don’t think we’ve ever had a good relationship. There’s always been an element of distrust between us, possibly because we’ve always wanted to head in different directions. So over the years we’ve rarely agreed on a course of action and, more often than not, have found ourselves paralysed with indecision instead.
I must confess I do not understand you or what you want from me.
You’re always pushing and pulling and nagging me. Reminding me of past failures and all the things that could (and, according to you, will) go wrong if I choose another path. But you couch them in such a way that I can’t ignore or dismiss your claims because you make perfectly rational sense.
You know me too well – you can see my weaknesses and my fears and you can manipulate me accordingly. I’ve never been quite as good at doing the same to you. But, then again, I don’t naturally think in terms of manipulation or influence over others.
At times, you have guided me well, helping me avoid situations that could have been disastrous. For that I am grateful.
But at other times, instead of feeling grateful for your intervention, all I’ve felt instead is regret.
Regret for opportunities lost. Regret for succumbing (yet again) to your powerful influence over me.
Regret for the innate weakness that makes me doubt my own instincts in the face of your criticism.
I want to believe in myself. I want to truly believe in my ability to make decisions, forge new paths, take a chance and work through obstacles. I don’t want to pay lip service to myself anymore.
I am worth more than mere words. I am far more valuable than that.
But I’m not sure you’ll ever allow me to truly, really, genuinely believe in myself as things stand – you enjoy controlling me too much for that.
So it’s time for me to break free of your influence – it’s time for a change up in the relationship between you and I.
I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to feel obliged to cede to your will.
I want to call a truce. Actually, I want more than a truce.
I want an equal partnership. I want to understand you, to discover WHY you continually try to hold me back.
I want to move forward. I want to back myself. I want to be all that I have the potential to be.
I don’t want you as my enemy.
I want you to be the friend you should be. The supportive friend who will help rather than hinder.
The friend who will back me and follows me through thick and thin.
Kirsty, do you think you can do that? Do you think you can stop sabotaging me – sabotaging us?
Can we be friends, instead of enemies?
I really and truly hope so.
Kirsty
Yes, this letter is to me as I consider myself to be my own worst enemy most of the time. Just consider this a form of overdue, public therapy x
Do you have an enemy? Do you consider yourself to be your own enemy at times?
Ha! That’s exactly where I went with it too!! I’m guessing this is a woman’s thing (or maybe we have a disorder?)
I think it’s a woman’s thing – I think…!
Snap! I wrote similarly. Just in a different way..you and me…yep, let’s get that enemy gone or at least be a friend! Denyse
Definitely – I hope we can be friends but I may need to break up with me as well in the end!!!
I think this is definitely something we can all relate to!
I had a feeling I wouldn’t be the only one thinking in this way!
Funny how the one person you should love the most is the one person you also hate the most.
It really is one of the ironies of life. You are supposed to love yourself but I think we all have a part of ourselves that we can’t stand…
Self talk is important, but I wonder if calling our inner critics our enemy is actually too harsh… letting the inner critic out too much?!
I suspect you maybe right. I am a perfectionist so I am very harsh on myself most of the time. I really should give myself some more leeway and learn to trust myself more.
It’s been twelve months of dealing with trolls, so I’m pretty sure I’m not my own worst enemy. I often hear I’m too hard on myself but gosh someone has to be. LOL
I wish to trolls would leave you alone Raych – horrid, horrid people!
Finally blogged again and joined in. Yay! OK, it’s not that exciting…
Very much relate to this. It’s a shame we can’t see ourselves the way others do and be as kind to ourselves as we are to others. Sigh.
It is exciting – I love having you here. And I was so happy to read that you’ve now finished your treatment – that is TRULY exciting and something to really celebrate!
I love the idea of writing this letter to your own ‘Inner Critic’ as we really are our own worst enemy most of the time. Good on you!
It felt quite cathartic so I’m hoping it’s stilled the voice for the next little while!
Oh I didn’t even think of myself as my enemy – hopefully this means I am in a happy partnership with me, myself and I! I often think the hubster is his own worst enemy. He is such a perfectionist, and really hard on himself, I’m forever encouraging him to stress less as he’s wonderful just the way he is x
PS I chose my pic today with you in mind. Because, PUGS!
That picture is SO cute – thanks for thinking of me!!!!
Thanks for the party Kirsty!
No problems Anne – I love being a party host!